I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize