What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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