I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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