Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
