Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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