i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
