And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
