Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize