definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
