It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
