You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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