Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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