what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
