On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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