I think my fart just growled at me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
