I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need water and some morals
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