When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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