i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
