just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
