Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
