I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
