i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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