On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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