i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
