Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
