I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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