your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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