But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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