bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
