I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
