How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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