you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
