Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
