hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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