2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my shit smells like andre
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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