Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
