4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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