I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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