I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
