My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
