the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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