You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
