I am puke
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
