You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize