After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ttyl tear gas
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Randomize
