im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
