Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
