oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
