There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
