we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
