So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
