last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize