He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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