i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
