If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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