I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize