dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
