I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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