I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
