OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
