Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
